Written in May 2025

Alexithymia underlies the bigger issues in my life. It’s the reason why I don’t see shutdowns and burnouts coming, why I agree to do things that I don’t really want to do, and why I struggle(d) so hard to understand myself (pre and post diagnosis).

Alexithymia is a barrier to recognising, naming and fully experiencing your own emotions and it can affect someone’s ability to feel and understand the emotions of others. I always describe it as like having emotions behind frosted shower glass. I’m aware that they are there, but they’re detached, blurry, and not recognisable, until they get big enough to press up against the glass or burst through.

At this point, I have zero chance of regulation and the experience is a shutdown or meltdown. That’s not a healthy or sustainable way to manage emotions, but nothing really helps me intervene before this stage.

I’ve tried talking therapy, which has been helpful as a space to intellectually discuss my feelings, and I’ve tried using an emotions wheel which starts with six or seven main emotions in the centre, radiating out to two further rings which label several more nuanced interpretations of the main emotion. I’ve always found this quite overwhelming, both visually and emotionally. I can’t connect my experience to what I’m looking at, so while I have, on occasion, managed to get to the middle ring, it’s felt a bit forced.

This week I was scrolling through Facebook and this post from The Autistic SENCO came up. This is Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions, and it’s different from the one I’d used before. This wheel has eight main emotions in the centre, and the radiating “arms” describe the same emotion with lower intensity. In between the arms is the emotion that arises from a blend of the two either side of it.

This is much more accessible for me. I don’t have to try and fit my experience to a narrow description. I can see how the same root emotion can be felt at different levels of intensity which, while it may not reflect my experience, is incredibly useful for understanding how emotions work. It will help me spot emotional experiences more quickly, and help me understand conflicting and mixed emotions without being overwhelming.

If you struggle with emotional regulation and identification, this wheel of emotions is definitely worth a go.