Written in November 2025
As I said in the first part, disclosure of a neurodivergent diagnosis, or indeed any diagnosis, is a deeply personal decision. Not everyone needs to know everything about us, and sometimes there are people in our lives that wouldn’t understand, or would leave our lives if they found out we’re autistic/ADHD/dyspraxic or whatever it happens to be.
I might take the line that the people who remove themselves from our lives following us coming out were never really meant to be there in the first place, that we’re better off without them, but that’s not the case for everyone. Sometimes those people are our family and part of our support network and there are relationships and dynamics to account for that mean we’re better off staying “in the closet”.
Who doesn’t need to know
The people who won’t accept it probably don’t need to know. However, you will probably still have to hear them make disparaging comments about neurodiversity and people with different neurotypes, so perhaps the question here is how much time and energy you continue to spend with these people. This is far too nuanced a decision on which to give direction further than that.
People you see rarely, such as neighbours, acquaintances and old friends from school you might bump into probably also don’t need to know. I think if the interaction usually lasts less than 10 minutes (unless they’re a real chatterbox) they probably aren’t close enough to us for the information to matter.
Who does need to know
Our medical professionals, from our GP to optician and everyone in between. Anyone who is involved with tending our body or mind is someone who could benefit from knowing about our neurodivergence.
Our family and close friends also should know, unless they fall into the category of people who won’t accept it. Then it’s a much more involved decision to make.
Our romantic partners also need to know. If this puts them off, then we have dodged a bullet! If they accept and understand, they can be supportive and mindful of our differences. If they’re also neurodivergent it could be a beautiful thing!
New friends are also in the category of people who ought to know. The tricky thing here is that we won’t know whether they’re the sort of people who will accept it or not, until we get to know them. For this reason alone, I would advise leaving it until the third meet up before disclosing.
There are some new friends who we click with because we’re both neurodivergent and those new friends will probably know before you tell them! And if a new friend discloses a diagnosis to you, that’s the perfect time to come out to them.
Who else should I tell, or not tell?
I can’t give advice that will work for everyone in every situation – for some people your post-delivery person might benefit from knowing, if you struggle with picking parcels up from the depot. If they know you’re neurodivergent and part of that means unscheduled outings are a no-go, maybe they’ll agree a safe place to leave things with you?
What I’ve written in this article is a general guide, but it’s not going to fit everyone. If you want input on your specific situation, get thee to a Facebook group or similar online community for neurodivergent people and post your situation asking for advice. You’ll get various answers and angles to consider that can help you decide whether to disclose, wait to disclose, or not disclose in your particular circumstances.